Self-Aware ADHD or Meditating All the Time?

my current life phase is a living embodiment of the song The Show by Lenka - 

"..i'm just a little girl lost in the moment,

i'm so scared but i don't show it

i can't figure it out,

it's bringing me down

i know, i've got to let it go.."

for the first time in my life, i am able to just be without worrying much, beating myself up or feeling guilty. i judge myself as worthless, but i don't feel miserable about it. i have so much better control over negative emotions now (pats meself on the back). i feel good about being able to get by. i live each day at a time, and everyday my mind is different. i wake up with the thought of doing thing X and end up doing thing Y, Z or maybe nothing at all. but important is the fact that i am fine being this way for now.

my mind runs. it runs in different directions. it runs in different directions at the same time. i can see that happening most of the times. either it is self-aware ADHD or i live in a meditative state all the time. :P

i don't know what to do with my life. i feel drawn towards nothing in particular to make something worth the material world out of it. i have fought and resisted purposelessness up until a few months before. i can't find a purpose, i can't make a purpose. i can live without a purpose though. i am getting better at adapting to uncertainty as well. 2026 is my year for living by accepting. i am a beginner, and i maybe slow. i am glad though. :)

i am stuck, and i don't know where to go, and i feel lonely too. but i am not miserable. and that is the best thing i have grown to be. 

that's it, for now.